Mothers' Day 2007

It was a beautiful day. The sun shined brightly and a cool breeze blew over the lazy stream, lifting its rippling, peaceful sound the back porch, still covered with potted plants from the funeral a week before.

Family gathered to eat food, address thank you cards, and find support in one another's arms. Despite the beautiful weather, the peaceful surroundings and the supportive company, fatigue registered on every face in the house.

Only the day before, Mike, Kim, Andrea and Kent started the difficult task of cleaning out Alex's apartment. They brought home boxes and bags of clothes, shoes, pictures, and personal items. They even found two pair of boxing gloves that were put to very good use on the front lawn. Kent effectively beat his uncle in a cage match.

Some of the cousins went to shoot clay pigeons at Grandma Anita's house. 100 pigeons shatter from the shotgun blasts. The other hundred broke upon impact with the newly planted bean field, uninjured by the attempts to pick them out of the air. A couple hours later, the group returned to the house with sore shoulders and ringing in their ears.

A tally of families who contributed cards, plaques, wind chimes, food, and flowers continued to grow to over 160. This doesn't even include the numerous donations to the Christmas Fund at the school.

So many mixed emotions. So many unanswered questions. So many loving thoughts and words.

The First Mother's Day

Please remember Kim tomorrow during this difficult day. We will all gather, write thank you notes and celebrate the day together. I'll give you an update after the day.

A Long Time Ago

This picture was taken about 1986 in the Shaffer's back yard. Kent (on the left) and Alex (on the right) were attempting to get as high as possible.

The entire swing set would tip back when they got going at full speed!

A Jungle of Memorials

The family gathered back at the house following the funeral dinner. The mortuary staff brought two full van-loads of flowers, plants, wind chimes, and quilts to the house and we spent the next few hours sorting the various gifts from so many well-wishers.

It was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon. We read cards from children in Kim's class and laughed and cried. One child offered all he had to make things better; he taped a nickle and dime to the card. We hefted Peace Lillies and daisies from the van to the counter to the table to the floor to the porch. We held one another and cried. We told stories and laughed.

Saying Goodbye

The newest estimate for the number of visitors Friday night has gone up to over 700. We doubt we will ever know the exact count.

The funeral on Saturday was attended by more than 200 people. 50 cars processed to the grave-side service and no one wanted to leave when it was over.

In the coming days, I will post details here about the funeral, the family dinner, the jungle of plants and flowers that were sent to the funeral home, and so much more. But for now, I want to thank you all for your prayers.

Death is always a harsh reminder of the value of life. On the way home last night, my oldest son shared how this event has rekindled his love for his family and his desire to never take it for granted. This sentiment was felt throughout the car and throughout the past two weeks.

As we all said goodbye to one another after the funeral, we shared laughter and hugs and tears and vowed to gather again next week. We will write thank-you notes, sort plants, and celebrate Mothers' Day together. Every moment will be precious to us...and in that there is no doubt.

Calling Hours

I am always amazed at the study in emotion and coping styles that calling hours offer. This day was no exception.

At one point in the day I noticed, very near the casket, a group of friends embrace the family. Tears flowed freely. Gentle words exchanged. A strong hand placed on a weak shoulder. Each one, in turn, took time to face Alex. They dabbed wet cheeks and turned away.

In the middle of the room rows of chairs held an ever-vigilant group of family members. All in shock. Silenced by their grief. Occasionally whispering encouragement to their clan. Weeping together as waves of pain swept over them.

To the left of the piano stood a gathering of young people. Young people who knew Alex. They were there because they loved him. They were recounting stories. Laughing. Crying. Then quiet.

Each person stood and waited their turn in a line that ran out the door and continued for six hours. School teachers. Co-workers. Classmates. Aunts. Uncles. Cousins. Friends.

If you were one of the 550 people who came to pay your respects today, thank you. Some of you could not be there and we understand. You were truly missed. It was a wonderful, horrible day. So many of you shared your sense of shock. So many more shared your deep sorrow. A few shared a prayer. Everyone offered a hand shake or a heart-felt hug.

You were a blessing and your presence is a testament to your love for Alex and his family.

Thank you.

Arrangements

Arrangements have been announced and the family wishes to share them with you.

The services will be at Thornburg's Memorial Chapel in Parker City, Indiana.
Calling hours are Friday, May 4, 2007 from 2:00 - 8:00 p.m.
The funeral will be Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 10:00 a.m. with a grave-side service to follow at Union Cemetary.

Memorials may be sent to:

The Larry Hall Christmas Fund
c/o Monroe Central Elementary
10421 W. State Road 32
Parker City, Indiana 47368

The MuncieStar's Obituary is quite touching: http://orig.thestarpress.com/articles/9/057264-2889-010.html

A Hard 48 Hours

As some of you know, the past two days have been the hardest for Alex's family. It began Monday morning when they entered Alex's room to find him "posturing". This is a very bad sign. After some questions to the nurse, the doctor came and met with Kim and Anita. He informed them that they had finally been able to assess his neurologic condition and that the news was not good.

The doctor told them that there was a very small chance of any meaningful recovery.

This, of course, sent waves of sorrow throughout the family. Mike, Andrea, and Kent came back to the hospital to speak with the doctor in hopes of gaininng clarification. They were joined by Alex's grandmother and grandfather and two of his uncles.

When the doctor came into the Quiet Room on Tuesday morning, he had no new information. The brain had suffered a terrible injury. The medical teams spent the first week just trying to get his breathing in line and so they had not had the opportunity to assess his neurological status. The next week was spent trying to stabilize the pressures in his head and the rest of his body. It wasn't until Sunday that they were able to clamp off the drain and evaluate his brain's response.

Unfortunately, fluid was continuing to collect around the brain and his body was not able to absorb this. The doctor was very pointed in his discussion and helped answer some of the family's remaining questions. In the end, he restated the most devastating news, "He has a minimal chance of any meaningful recovery." At best, Alex would spend the rest of his life in a nursing home being cared for by others.

The family cried, held each other, and prayed. But in the end, everyone was in agreement that this would never be Alex's wish. In fact, the family was convinced that he would be mad at us all if we chose this for him. The primary concern was that Alex would not suffer any pain. The doctors assured us this would not happen.

In the end, the family determined to honor Alex's wishes and in the process help save the lives of others. The Organ Donation Team was called in. It took quite a while to find all the necessary matches but at 12:35 a.m. this morning, they took him to surgery. At least some good came from this horrible event.

The family is heart broken and your prayers are still appreciated. Please honor the family and Alex by remembering him today. If Alex ever told you a story - and he had many - share it with someone else. My favorite was his class field trip to the slaughter house. I've never laughed so hard in my life.

We will keep you informed as arrangements are made.

A Long Day

This has been a long day for the family. They are visiting Alex and loving one another. There isn't much change in his physical status and they are trying hard to support one another. Please continue to pray for peace and strength.

You will never know how much your words, cards, email, and letters have meant to the family. We will bring you up to date as soon as we know more.

Prayers Continue

I just arrived home from my visit with Alex. The family is waiting to speak with the doctor. The doctor was in surgery so they may have to speak with him tomorrow. They are want to know the medical teams thoughts about the upcoming days, Alex's current status, and his future prognosis.

Please pray for wisdom as they ask questions and peace in any decisions they might make.

Uneventful Days

The doctors told the family last week that Alex had moved from hour-by-hour to shift-by-shift. They later said that Alex was more in the catagory of event-by-event. I spoke with my wife this morning. She spent the night with Kim at the hospital's hotel. Alex had an uneventful day yesterday and that is a blessing.

The doctor's did clamp off the drain yesterday because his pressures are doing very well. They can unclamp it if his numbers rise but they haven't had to do that yet.

Kim received no calls in the night, for which she is thankful.

We'll keep you posted on any new news. Again, thank you for your prayers.

Saturday's Update

My wife just called. She's on her way home from the hospital after visiting with Alex and the family. She said that nothing much has changed today.

She did report that the bolt in Alex's head used to measure his inter-cranial pressure isn't working so they will track his pressures using the drain that was put in last week. This doesn't seem to be a big deal for the nurses, which is good.

Alex's heart rate has been slightly elevated and they think that he might be a little dry. The nurse called the doctor who ordered a bolus of IV fluid and this helped.

The serium sodium elevated again during today's shift but not to a point of major concern.

The family is able to visit Alex at the bedside but they are still trying to keep the room quiet. This helps keep his pressures down.

The World is Watching

I would like to share the family's appreciation for all the nice notes, calls, and emails we've received over the past week. We've had email from Tokyo, Germany, and Canada. Notes have been sent from all around the state and from across these United States. We've heard from North Carolina, Virginia, and Boston. So many of you are praying and thinking of the family and it means so much.

I just heard from the hospital. Nothing much has changed since yesterday. The doctors continue to make adjustments to Alex's pressure and vent settings, trying to make the most of the technology. Chest X-rays and blood cultures are the course of the day.

Please pray for Alex's mom and dad, Kim & Mike. They can use all your love and prayers.

I just spoke with the family. Alex had a good night.

His fever is gone which is very good. The cultures haven't come back with any kind of bug and the doctors say that a fever can accompany injuries.

The doctors are limiting Alex's visitors to family members only. The family is not going into his room but looking in on him at the window to his room. Alex needs to rest. The doctors think it will help him if the activity around the bed is reduced.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Guide the Physicians' Hands

The family is so very impressed with all the doctors and nurses here at Methodist. They all seem to work together so well and are doing everything in their power to help Alex. At the same time, they are helping the family understand medications, tests, and technology. They explain what they are doing and put the family at ease.

No one wants to be here but they all know that Alex is in good hands.

Today's Update

I spoke with family members this evening. They report that there isn't any real change and continue to ask for your prayers. They have received many nice notes. They appreciate these and extend their thanks.

Thank you for your prayers

Alex's family would like to thank everyone for all their thoughts and prayers. We truly believe we are seeing God's presence in the midst of all this.

Today the doctor's placed a drain to help continue to reduce his cranial pressure. This is very helpful and the family is hoping for continued improvement.

A New Bed

This is a photo of Alex (left) and his brother Kent during their grandparents' 49th Anniversary party two years ago. It was a good time for everyone.

Alex looks better today. The swelling in his face has gone down a bit and you can see all the eye lashes. He still looks like he is wearing heavy eye shadow but the size of his eye lids is more normal.

Alex is in a regular hospital bed this evening. The ROTO Bed has gone to another patient. His lungs have responded well to the ROTO Bed. The pulmonologist told the family that he is happy with the progress that Alex has made in just the past 24 hours. His vent settings are much better and he has been removed from all the medication to paralyse him. At this time, he is not fighting the vent and his oxygen setting is at 30%. Room air is 21% oxygen so he is getting closer to being on a room air setting. Now we have to hope that he will breathe on his own.

His mother has been at the hospital since this all started last Wednesday. Other family members are taking turns coming to visit. We are hoping she can leave to rest at home for a night very soon.

No Real Changes

The serium sodium levels are a little better and this seems to be a response to the free water that Alex is getting through the NG tube. So far today the Neurology Team hasn't been in so the family doesn't know what they want to do today. We should know more a little later in the afternoon.

Free Water

Alex had two bowel movements today (I'm sure he is glad that we are sharing these little details). This is a big deal because his bowels need to move if he is going to get nutrition. This is also important because the doctors can give him water. They call it "free water" and it will help keep him hydrated without resulting in as much fluid going to the brain. Hopefully, this will help reduce the sodium levels.

They kept Alex sedated today and there is talk that they will do another head CT tomorrow to better assess any possible brain damage. This will also help them know if the swelling has started to reverse.

Sodium

Alex's serium sodium has risen to 160. This is a concern, as the doctors want it to be below 145.

Hour by Hour, Shift by Shift

Today the doctor informed the family that we must remain cautiously optomistic. While Alex's condition isn't hour by hour, it is still shift by shift. The vent settings remain similar and the doctor's reduce the sedation every so often but Alex shakes too much when they do this. They are working so hard to help him and the family is thankful.

The family is also appreciative of the many visitors who have driven down to see Alex. But short visits are even more appreciated. Only two people are allowed in with Alex at any time. As you can imagine, Cards & Prayers are truly a blessing.

We are all holding onto the hope that Alex will find healing. We pray constantly for peace in this terrible time.

Weaning from the Vent

The doctors want to remove some of the sedation medication to help Alex get off the vent. He shakes a little when they do this and the family isn't sure why. But he was able to respond to being pinched in more of his extremities. We aren't sure if this is good or not but it seems positive.

The nurses have backed off the pressure on the vent and that is good. The pressure helps maintain the lung volumes when Alex can't do it on his own. They have also dropped his oxygen mix from 100% down to 40%. This is also a good thing. It means he is doing better getting oxygen in his system. The hope is to get him off the vent and breathing on his own.

The family has started to go home to shower and get some rest. This is going to be a long haul and they need to keep moving. Some of them have gotten rooms closer to the hospital and this will help. It is so exhausting for all involved. Being there for Alex and trying to understand everything the nurses and doctors are saying can be difficult.

The nurses did report that Alex is starting to run a fever and this will be watched closely. Beyond that, there really isn't any major change.

The Roto-bed

The doctor's have stressed that Alex is very ill. His condition is still on an hour-by-hour watch. They moved him to another bed. They put him in a Roto-bed. This rocks him from side to side and prevents the fluid and pnuemonia from settling in the lungs. It has helped.

Everything takes so long...to take another CT of his head, they have to move him from the Roto-bed and move him to a standard bed. They have a portable, beside CT so they do this test in the room. When they finish with that, they move him back to the Roto-bed. It took them two hours to do this the other day.

The nurses and doctors are wonderful. They keep everyone informed and help explain all the tubes and wires and medication. The family is still waiting. They have hardly slept at all.

We did find out that Alex was wearing his seat belt during the accident. This was a huge concern for the family. Apparently, he was ejected out the back of the truck, slipping out of the fastened belt.

The Long Road Begins

I just came from the hospital. The accident happened on the way home from work. No one knows any details about the accident but they do know that Alex is very sick. We all arrived at the hospital about 9:00 p.m. Wednesday night and they ushered us to a quiet room. We waited for some word. The only person to speak with us was the chaplain who said that this was very serious.

Alex had been driving north on I-69 when his truck went off the road and flipped. He was thrown from the truck and had to be Life-Lined to Methodist Hospital with severe head injuries.

He was in radiology but was expected to be moved to a Neuro-ICU bed. At 9:30 the chaplain led the family upstairs. When we arrived, we found that he wasn't in the room yet and we had to wait. The chaplain led us to another small "quiet room".

It seemed like a very long time before someone came to speak with us but it was less than an hour before they had him in the room and a doctor came to speak with us.

She said that he was in very serious condition. The bones in his face had been fractured in the wreck and this had caused bleeding. They had to embolize the artery leading to his face to stop the blood. Some of the blood had gone into his lungs and this was causing problems with his breathing. He had suffered a trauma to his head but there was no way to know the full extent of the injury until after they stablized the remainder of his body.

She explained that his face was very swollen and that he wouldn't look like Alex. They were still getting him set up in the room and would allow the family to come back in a short time. After she left, the chaplain led us to another, bigger room where we could all have a seat and wait.

After a while, a nurse came to take the immediate family members to see Alex. Of course, everyone else in the room followed them down the hall and paced in front of the ICU doors.

A neuro assessment was performed with the family at the bedside. Alex didn't move anything at the command of the nurses. When they pinched his arms and legs, he only moved his left arm and his right fingers.

The family has been told that Alex is very sick and this is an hour-by-hour watch. At one point, the doctor explained that his systems were working against each other. They couldn't do everything they needed for his brain because his lungs were so bad. They couldn't do everything they needed for his lungs because of the brain injury. His oxygen sats were off because his lungs had bruises and contusions. They had to fix this but he wasn't responding very well.

The family is in shock. I heard it several times, from several people, "This is all just a bad dream".